Shikha, Tahoe and Truckee, en route to Reno.
Saturday, October 19
Today, Shikha passed away. Not even three weeks ago, Sep 26, it was her 77th birthday.
I knew Shikha had cancer, but when she herself told me she had stage 4 cancer, not very long ago, just after Bev passed, it was another horrible moment on top of an already horrible moment. Shikha, Bev, and I go back a long ways, along with Marilyn, Alan, and Suzanne, to summer 1975 when we rented her house, and she and Rajana also lived there, in the basement apartment. I was away that summer, and when I learned that the landlords LIVED IN THE BASEMENT, I thought whoever in our group rented the home knowing that fact were insane. Instead, it was wonderful living with Shikha, and we all fell in love with her. That was over 49 years ago.
I definitely am having a bit of a difficult time with Shikha’s passing. I knew it was coming, which is why I was heading back to Denver for Wednesday morning, just three days from now, and felt sure Shikha would still be there, even though in bad shape. I hoped to hold her hand while sitting with her, hoping to maybe add some small bit of extra comfort and love to Shikha in her her last days, as well as for myself. I even thought Shikha might survive a little longer, although knew it was nearing the end, or the transition as Hospice called it for Bev. I didn’t expect it to be over so soon, and so suddenly. I hope Shikha was home, as she was supposed to return from the hospital for in-home hospice the day before. I hope it was a peaceful and easy release, as it was for Bev, although still so hard to see. It was release, though.
I’ve asked Indrina and Antara if they’d still like me to come on Wednesday, and they’ll let me know. I think I have to know by tomorrow though, as I have to start heading south in order to get to Denver. 💔
I left Kaye near noon, and headed out of Berkeley and the bay area, also saying goodbye to the ocean and west coast. The drive was uneventful, and just a few hours to Reno, where I’ll spend the night before continuing east, now officially starting to head home. That’s how it feels. Like, I’m on the downhill side of the journey, heading back to an empty home, and feeling like that will be my main function now, just getting home, despite seeing some more lovely scenery along the way.
But now, it’s no longer an open journey, with an open agenda. Now, it feels like I’m returning to my life in Amherst, even though I’m probably still the better part of two weeks away, and I’ve done whatever it was I set out to do. Until now, for the past almost three months, the journey itself has been my daily life, and made every day full and focused, just with the journey itself. Once home, though, there is no agenda or schedule or set of tasks or things that will fill each day, and that’s where I’ll have to find a way to fill those days with a sense of meaning and purpose. I don’t like the feeling, and that’s only compounded by this new sense of tragedy, with the loss of Shikha.
Along the way today, I took a coupled of detours, first stopping off along the Donner Pass, and then visiting Nearby Tahoe City, a small town of about 2,500, which is right on beautiful Lake Tahoe.
The last stop before heading to Reno, in Nevada, was Truckee, where I visited many years ago, but never actually got to eat at the Truckee Diner… which I did today. I just liked the idea!
Then into Reno, where, it turns out, I’m staying at the same place Kaye and I stayed when we were here just a few weeks ago. I didn’t head into Reno, as Kaye and I did, and enjoyed, but was pretty pooped, and just stayed in, going to sleep pretty early.
